Funny Jokes

Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "Im not paying," said the duck. "Ive only got one bill and Im not breaking it.""Ive spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duckll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. Whats the matter? Isnt half a million enough for you?

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it werent for my money, the house wouldnt be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it werent for your money I wouldnt be here."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldnt find one big enough for her family.She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"The stock boy replied, "No maam, theyre dead."

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"